Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Good-bye, Testicles

After much thought, and with Carolyn and Mandy's permission, I have decided to neuter Fig. I don't foresee a show career for him, and my son Ian wants to learn to track with him while I learn to track with Watson. The family that tracks together....
During Fig's pre-op appointment, my vet asked me if I wanted to have "neuticals" implanted in Fig. WTF? Neuticals? Yup, there are silicone prosthetic testicles that can inserted after the real ones are removed. Dear lord! Really? Why? Because, "they help your dog retain his self-esteem."
I must have looked absolutely incredulous, but my vet told me that he's implanted hundreds of neuticals over the past few years. I think there are some dog owners with self-esteem issues, and way too much money. The cost of ensuring your dog retains his dignity, and self-worth is a mere $950.00. For better or worse, Fig will come home tomorrow sans testicles, and neuticals.
Only in California......


  1. Only in the land of tofu and Perrier!

  2. LOL. An excess of self-esteem is what causes most dogs to get neutered.

  3. yea... what Carolyn said! ;-)
    neuticals... sorry Kota - yer not getting fake nads when I take yours out.... not happening dude. May Fig have an easy neuter ahead....

  4. Holy WOW I had no idea they were that much. Somehow I doubt my local vet here in alabammy gets much call for neuticles...or neuters in general, actually. *rolling eyes*

    Hope Fig's surgery goes fine.

  5. Hey's a piece of cake! You'll be ready to FRAP in no time! I didn't even notice that anything had happened!

    See you soon Bud! (We're having MEAT cake! Whahooo!)


  6. The first time I heard of these , I was with a bunch of people from the Pem Nationals, all out for dinner.

    One of the party was a vet.......

    We waxed hilarious about neuticals.........

    The vet said that it is very common for people (what do you want to bet that's "men", not "people" in general...) to ask for the neuticals to be in a larger size than the originals.............

    Poor dogs............ (imaginging balloons slowly expanding the skin, so we can insert lemon-size or orange-size or grapefruit-size neuticals..........)

    I'm glad to hear they cost $95. Should be even more, I guess.

    And then there was the story about the dog with a retained testicle, whose fool owner had a neutical installed. Then (did you guess the ending?) the (natural) ball dropped and the next time a judge looked, there were three.....

    oy vey.

  7. I "Googled" neuticals. There are a lot of neutical items out there, and not just the implants. I was most intrigued by the neutical earrings. How in the hell do you explain those?

    "Oh, these, yes they are nice, they're fake dog balls."

    They looked like vanilla jelly beans....perfect for Easter Sunday.

  8. that is super funny. the things people do...

  9. I have a friend who is a vet and when these 1st came out she signed up to be a neuticals vet just to get the "stuff" we laughed bunches over the testmonials that came with the stuff. "all the benefits of neutering only nicer" "it was the least I could do".